samedi 25 juillet 2015

C is for Computers

C is for Computers

I am sure years ago people got so frustrated with the abacus that they hurled it across the room. They undoubtedly kicked the telex machine and moaned about the slowness of Morse Code. But their aggravations were nothing compared to what we experience every day in this world of instant, virtual communication.

At the moment, whenever I go to play online Scrabble a message pops up telling me that “hot Russian girls” are begging to meet me. I fear they will be dreadfully disappointed.

I was getting worried that no one had offered me any money recently. But happily today, Mr Collins Hopewell “the chief Accountant and also a member of Contract award Committee of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation” emailed to offer me $5 million if I would help him with a shady-sounding deal. All I need do is put $15 million that just happens to be floating around homeless in his company into my bank account. If I’m interested, I have to contact him “for detailed clarifications and the modalities involved”.

I joined Linkedin – I’m not sue why as I’m not looking for a job. I’m connected to some very nice people and a dog. The messages Linkedin send me are, however, very annoying. “Alice is celebrating a work anniversary. Three years today at retired. Say congrats.” I can imagine it. “Hello Alice, I’m ringing to say congrats on you being retired for three years.” She would, quite rightly, think I’m mad. Then I got: “Anita has tweeted something. Read what she said.” Leaving aside the fact I don’t know anyone called Anita, why would I stop everything to read her tweet? It’s probably just telling me what she had for breakfast.

Actually, I don’t mind people posting on Facebook what they ate for any meal; I can even cope with the unappetising picture that usually accompanies it. What I cannot stomach is when they finish their post with “yum”, or ‘yum yum” or even “yummy’, each embellished by an indeterminate number of exclamation marks!!! Maybe I just don’t eat anything tasty enough to merit such epithets. Certainly not the salad we bought at the market last weekend. “Fancy some rice salad?” asked Gavin. Sounds nice. Unfortunately, it was salade de ris (brains) and not riz (rice). I think he enjoyed it.

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