C is for Computers
I am sure years ago people
got so frustrated with the abacus that they hurled it across the room. They
undoubtedly kicked the telex machine and moaned about the slowness of Morse
Code. But their aggravations were nothing compared to what we experience every
day in this world of instant, virtual communication.
At the moment, whenever I go
to play online Scrabble a message pops up telling me that “hot Russian girls”
are begging to meet me. I fear they will be dreadfully disappointed.
I was getting worried that
no one had offered me any money recently. But happily today, Mr Collins
Hopewell “the chief Accountant and also a member of
Contract award Committee of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation”
emailed to offer me $5 million if I would help him with a shady-sounding deal.
All I need do is put $15 million that just happens to be floating around
homeless in his company into my bank account. If I’m interested, I have to
contact him “for detailed clarifications and the modalities involved”.
I joined Linkedin – I’m not
sue why as I’m not looking for a job. I’m connected to some very nice people
and a dog. The messages Linkedin send me are, however, very annoying. “Alice is
celebrating a work anniversary. Three years today at retired. Say congrats.” I
can imagine it. “Hello Alice, I’m ringing to say congrats on you being retired
for three years.” She would, quite rightly, think I’m mad. Then I got: “Anita
has tweeted something. Read what she said.” Leaving aside the fact I don’t know
anyone called Anita, why would I stop everything to read her tweet? It’s
probably just telling me what she had for breakfast.
Actually, I don’t mind
people posting on Facebook what they ate for any meal; I can even cope with the
unappetising picture that usually accompanies it. What I cannot stomach is when
they finish their post with “yum”, or ‘yum yum” or even “yummy’, each
embellished by an indeterminate number of exclamation marks!!! Maybe I just
don’t eat anything tasty enough to merit such epithets. Certainly not the salad
we bought at the market last weekend. “Fancy some rice salad?” asked Gavin.
Sounds nice. Unfortunately, it was salade de ris (brains) and not riz (rice). I think he enjoyed it.
